I WANT A PIECE OF YOUR PEACE

“Okay, I am FREAKING OUT!”, Roger says on the “Stan of Arabia” episode of American Dad.  There wasn’t a single liquor bottle in any cabinet of their new place in Riyadh.  But before we laugh at the poor alien, think of the times when you’ve felt the same way for whatever reason.  There are days we all loose it, and the anxiety, pressure or whatever it is can linger on for a while, depending on the situation.  Sometimes I simply feel an undercurrent of discontent in my life.  I look at others who seem to have it all under control and wonder how I might be able to participate in whatever it is that’s causing their apparent peace of mind.  I want a piece of their peace.      

Back when I was a miserable teenager, I used to grill people who seemed happy about their lives and state of mind.  I wanted them to explain to me how they had found their sense of contentment.  Afterwards I would meditate on what they had said and how it might apply to me.  I must have come across as an unnaturally intense kid (and I was).  People would say things like, “This is where I belong”, leading me to wonder, “Where do I belong?”    I thought others had some kind of secret of happiness that they might be able to let me in on.  Of course it escaped me that no one is happy all the time and that the persona we exhibit in public is not quite the same as our inner selves. 

It was a bit like the episode of Beavis and Butthead when the dynamic duo watch a Kris Kross video and mistake the whole thing for a serious statement of life goals rather than empty entertainment.  The refrain of the song goes:

                                                   Stir it up, Kris

                                                   I’m about to

                                                   Stir it up, Kris

                                                  That’s what I was born to do

After “That’s what I was born to do” is repeated a few times, Beavis gets philosophical and asks, “Hey Butthead – what were WE born to do?” 

On the other hand, when I would meet people who seemed to have all the reason in the world to be unhappy, I would wonder why they weren’t in a state of total anxiety all the time.  I would want to ask them why they WEREN’T worried.

As the years rolled on I gradually figured out a few things.  First of all, our moods change all the time, and what felt like the end of the world yesterday might be forgotten tomorrow.  You don’t have to have bipolar disorder to see this one.  More importantly, it dawned on me that I can’t live anyone else’s life but my own.  Another obvious point, but at times I really did think that I could walk a mile in someone else’s shoes and absorb all the best of their life experiences and wisdom. 

Another thing is that what works for one person might not work for another.  What a relief its been to find things that create peace of mind for me, even though they might be a disaster for someone else.  I love stuff that works. 

Of course I still wonder what makes people tick, and when I’m feeling like Roger the alien in Saudi Arabia I catch myself looking at those who appear calm with a certain kind of nonsexual lust.  But I know now that I can’t have a piece of their peace.  I’ve got to create it for myself.