HARDCORE AGNOSTICISM

“I find your lack of faith disturbing”, Darth Vader says as he chokes an imperial officer from a distance using the dark side of the force.  I have a lack of faith also, but I’m not an atheist.  I don’t see how anyone can know definitively whether God exists or not.  We can have faith, but not factual knowledge on this question.  That’s is why I’m an agnostic, and the more I’ve considered it, the more convinced I’ve become of this view. 

Those with religious faith have told me that they know God exists because they can feel it deeply inside of themselves.  Atheists profess the opposite conviction, often citing either a lack of evidence for God’s existence or the evils that organized religions have perpetuated over time.  Others point to the seemingly well planned nature of life on earth and conclude that only an “intelligent design” could have brought it all into existence.  Sun worship makes intuitive sense to me, considering that it is, in fact, the ultimate source of life on earth.  After all, it is self-evident that there are forces larger than ourselves – we aren’t the ones who brought the world into existence or keep it turning.   

So many people all over the world profess faith in God that I can’t believe I somehow have possession of a truth that they’re all missing.  On the other hand, a whole lot of people believing something doesn’t make it right. Then again, I know people who are far more intelligent than I am, who’s lives and opinions I greatly respect, who hold strong religious faith.  God, it’s so confusing! 

Human beings have very deep seated emotional needs that we ignore at our peril.  Life can be hard, painful, lonely, meaningless, and unfair.  We have an innate fear of death that can be terrifying.  There are times we feel desperate.  Desperate for an answer, or for comfort.  Desperate for the knowledge that there is ultimate justice, a compassionate protector above us, and some sort of life after death.  Our societies need a foundation stone for their systems of ethics that appeal to a power higher than imperfect, corrupt humans.  When it comes to fulfilling these eternal, burning needs, which no amount of science or rational philosophy can adequately meet, it’s simply too much to for us to have to accept the conclusion of some dope like me, who, when presented with the question of whether God exists can only say, “Ummm… I dunno”.

This answer isn’t really good enough for me either.  I know in my heart of hearts that if I found myself in a trench with bullets flying around me, if I were facing some horrific, imminent catastrophe, I would pray to the God of the Old Testament for mercy. 

The benefits of faith are clear and can be seen everywhere.  Those with faith are likely happier for it, and I don’t count myself lucky for not being one of them.  Perhaps one day that feeling will enter me, or I’ll allow it to enter, and I’ll be converted.  We all have beliefs of various sorts, since human beings are not entirely rational by nature and cannot possibly base everything on hard facts.  I suspect that there is such a thing as a life spirit, or life force.  I have a hard time believing that what separates living beings from the nonliving world is simply the arrangement of matter within us, or a series of chemical reactions in our brain causing consciousness.  There must be something beyond the physical.  Even though there are many people who’s bad behavior is actually rewarded – nasty people who become millionaires and live long, happy lives, for example – I still believe that what comes around goes around.  Somehow, in some way, justice will be done.  It would be a cold, empty world for me if I couldn’t believe these things, even though I know I can’t possibly prove them.

Because I’m agnostic, I’m able to participate in religious ceremonies without being a phony.  It could all be true.  So when someone sitting next to me at dinner takes my hand I take the hand of the one at my other side, bow my head and give thanks for the food we’re about to eat.  Giving thanks is a good thing.  We can’t take ultimate credit for whatever it is that allows us to eat and live, and whether its the Sun God or something entirely beyond our imagination that’s responsible, what could be wrong with recognizing this fact?      

The problem is that this recognition leads to all sorts of other doctrines and beliefs, many of them quite ridiculous.  Not to mention that this craziness differs widely, depending on the religion; each of which knows that it’s right; creating massive and lethal divisions in humanity.  Then there’s the actual ceremonies and observances that are invariably a total crashing bore.  Ugh!

Freidrich Neitzsche famously proclaimed God is dead (actually he said, “Dead are all Gods” in the Yoda-like word order of Thus Spoke Zarathustra).  I don’t know about that.  The one thing we know for sure is that Neitzsche is dead.  Our minds simply aren’t big enough to be able to pass a final judgement about something so large.  What do any of our dumb asses know anyway?  I don’t know, you don’t know, none of us knows.  That’s why I’ll likely always have to say that I’m agnostic:  I believe in something, I just don’t know what it is.